Celebrate Jenn's 40th Birthday Month!!

Happy March everyone!!  This month Jennifer turns 40 and in honor of her birthday, we are doing a month long fundraiser.  We found this great website that allows adoptive parents to choose 6 T-shirt designs and receive a portion of the sales for each T-shirt.  We are so grateful for such a wonderful fundraiser and we are excited to be a part of it!

So, if you are ready to shop for a new T-shirt for summer, you need to go through our family's link for adoption bug:

http://www.adoptionbug.com/ryanfamilyroundup

We are so very grateful for any prayers and support!  We will keep this fundraiser going through the whole month of March.  

In adoption news, we were received our official Pre-Approval (PA) this week, so we can send our little guy packages now.  We are also on our way with our home study and we will prayerfully have that completed soon as well as the remaining dossier documents.  This is such a different process than our Ethiopia process which was so indefinite and obscure for who and when and how long.  I feel like that experience prepared us for the steps that we would go through this time, just at a much faster pace.

I will keep everyone posted about our progress and news.  Thank you so much to everyone!!

"By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures."  Proverbs 24:3-4

Huge News!!

So, I've noticed that whenever I don't write anything for a couple of months, then I am making a big announcement.  Short of moving to another state, this is pretty big and exciting news!  

I will try to make this long story as short as possible.  When we moved to Texas, we were already discussing the possibility of adding on a second and simultaneous adoption.  We knew that Ethiopia was still going to be a wait for a referral more than likely and we were excited about the possibility of adopting a waiting child from another county in the mean time.  So, we knew that we weren't going to do anything definite until we were a little settled in Texas, so we prayed and did a webinar with our agency about a new partnership in China.  We definitely knew that we were interested, so we prayed some more and settled into our new home.  

One of the things that we have always felt very passionate about is that we wanted to be a family who could adopt a child who needed a home.  We did not want to be a family who needed a child to fit into our criteria or meet our need.  This may seem like two ways of saying the same thing, but basically we did not want to create a perfect on paper child and wait for that child to appear.  We wanted to be very open to children who need homes.  For anyone who has gone through adoption you know that this is difficult since you have to fill out tons of forms stating what age, gender, and array of disabilities that you are open to.  

So, fast forward to January and we were ready to begin our home study update process and decide what our home study was focusing on.  We talked to our agency about joining the China program and she asked us if we were interested in pursuing any of the waiting children listed on their website.  More praying, discussing and we decided to pursue a beautiful little boy on the waiting children list!  So, we started madly working on the paperwork since we have now been matched with him and we are working towards getting to go and get a child whose picture we have already seen and whose beautiful little face and heart we are already praying for!!  I want to be careful about how much I share on here about him to keep his details private, but he will be four years old next month and he has had spinal surgery and he walks with braces and a walker.  He is the cutest thing ever and the update received in December calls him a "ball of fire".  

Part two of our news is that we also started getting some emails from our agency about the changes happening in Ethiopia as they work very hard right now to make sure that all adoptions are done ethically.  Although this is always good to make sure that children are protected, while the changes are occurring it usually means lots of slow downs and extra red tape for the families in the process.  Our agency was offering a short term help to parents in the Ethiopia program who wanted to transfer programs to allow our agency fees to transfer.  Although it seemed like such a disappointing way to end our almost three year process of trying to adopt from Ethiopia, we terminated our contract with Ethiopia and switched completely to only pursuing a China adoption.  We of course had very mixed feelings about this after planning and praying for a child from Africa for years, but God asks us to trust.  He does not assure us that we will understand the reasons.  

So, for now please pray for our process, our preparations and most importantly our sweet little boy's heart to be prepared for this big change that he probably does not even know about.  We are looking into some fundraising that we will post about here soon, because we are flying through the process since we are trying to get him as quickly as we can and that does mean that all of the funds are coming due more quickly as we already have a referral.  We have such faith and peace, though about God's provisions for our family to grow in this way.  

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us and following our journey.  We will keep you posted on our progress.  Oh, and I guess we will also change some things about our blog since we are no longer "blogging our journey to adopt a child from Ethiopia from our home in St. Louis".  

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.   Jeremiah 29:11-13

We Don't Know The Ending

I was first introduced to this concept when I studied Esther.  We think of her story as heroic and see God's hand throughout as it all plays out.  However, I had never though about the night that she goes back to her room and has asked for a second dinner with her husband, the king.  What must she be thinking?  What was she questioning God about?  Did she feel hopeless?  We know that while she is back in her room that amazing things are happening and God is most definitely intervening on behalf of her and the other Jewish people of the time.

Bottom line, we love the story because we know the ending.

It got me thinking about other people in the Bible.  What must David been thinking and feeling when he was facing Goliath, when he was crowned king and when his son died?  What about Moses when his world fell apart and he found out he was actually a Hebrew instead of an Egyptian?  What about Naomi when her husband and sons died and she wondered how she would live?  Think about the disciples as they watched or heard about Jesus being crucified-not really believing that it would really happen, that some miracle would be performed and Jesus would be spared, but then he really died and then one day goes by, then two.  In our minds, we skip ahead to the ending because it is so awesome and so amazing that we forget that there were real people who were tormented and thought God had completely abandoned them and that maybe everything they had believed was wrong.

Here's the thing.  We don't know the ending to our life.  We don't know if we are in the part of our life that is right before something amazing happens.  We don't know if our life is going to end up to be something that people will want to read about some day. We don't know how God will work through us to reach others.  We just don't know the ending.  When you know the ending, you can see how everything else has led up to this ending.  It puts all of the pieces together.  We may never get to know our ending or how the pieces played out, but that is where we have to learn from the lives of others to TRUST GOD and put our beginnings, middles and endings in His capable hands.  Why?  Because He already knows the ending.  He knows the beginnings and middles too.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.  Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.  Proverbs 3:5-7

Well, we're Texans now!

It has been two months since I last posted, but they have been very full months!  We have packed up our whole house in St. Louis, said good bye to all of our friends, family and church there, and headed to Fort Worth, Texas!  We are definitely settling into our house, mainly because we have been iced into it since Thursday.  For our little family living apart for five months, we have gotten to spend a lot of time together lately.  The house is starting to feel like home and we have started homeschooling again and are finding ways to get plugged into life here.

It all feels so different, though, whenever we leave the house.  Not knowing which way to turn, hoping the GPS leads us the right way (which it already hasn't!) and not knowing whether we are close to a grocery store or what cities are far away and which ones are very close.  It's very disorienting and it is a good exercise in not feeling in control.  We both felt God leading us here this year, so we trust in His guidance and wisdom.  We stay focused on the fact that we have family here, we have a wonderful new home, we do have GPS to help, and we do not have a busy schedule, so if it takes us longer to find a place, that is okay.  Since this is our blog to focus on adoption, I cannot help but focus on the small amount of disorienting we are experiencing and comparing it to that of our future children.  We understand the language, we knew what to expect, we could research and plan, we have familiar people around and familiar places.  Our future children will have none of that.  My heart breaks for how lost they will feel and how long it will take to build some trust.  I would love to do whatever I could to prepare them for it now and make it easier.  I do pray often that God will help someone prepare his heart for a new family, for a life in another country, and for him to know that we love him and that God loves him and cares for him so much.

M has been very concerned about our blog and whether we should change the name since we are not living in the Gateway To The West any more.  We are not going to change it, because that is where our journey began.  That is where we began praying about adoption and where we filled out the many forms and had our home study, and even squeaked in a home study update a few months before we moved.  That is where we were married, first lived and where we had our first two children.  No matter where we are, St. Louis is still where we began and, as my friend so beautifully put it, I will be 80 years old before I've been a Texan longer than a Missourian.

We fully expected to bring our son, or children, into our house in St. Louis when we started this process two and a half years ago.  If there is anything I have seen as a common thread through all adoption blogs is the intense lesson of waiting you learn through the process of adoption.  Some things we just have to go through to know what they feel like-waiting, fasting, moving and even the life-changing of giving your life to Jesus Christ.  It's a journey.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.       Romans 15:13

Focus on what you don't have

We hear that we should focus on what we have instead of focusing on what we don't have.  However, sometimes we need to focus on what we do not have in order to be grateful for what we do have. 

Think about things you don't have to do.  I know someone who has to carry her disabled son up stairs in her house every day.  I know someone who has to know the bus schedules in order to take her daughter anywhere or go get groceries.  I know people who have to worry about illness their children have and how that will affect them.  There are people who have to strive to feed their children, have to wonder what they will do if they lose their house, have to go to the laundry mat to do all of the family's clothes, have to send their kids into unsafe situations, have to make incredibly hard decisions and have to deal with constant mourning and grief.  Focusing on these things, makes me pretty grateful for what I don't have.

Think about the things you don't have to experience.  War, abuse, poverty, starvation, sickness, lack of freedom, all things people around the world face every day.  If you look at news picture on the internet, you can see the way so many people live around the world.  I am so thankful I don't live in a war-torn place where I cannot protect or feed my children.

I could go on listing things, but the point is not to feel guilty, but to be grateful.  It makes the little problems in our lives seem so very little.  It also helps us to realize that other people have it rough sometimes, and if we can take some of the blessings and resources that we have and help someone else out, it is how we would want to be treated.  You just never know how much something that we take for granted can mean to someone else. 

 Sing to the Lord with grateful praise;
    make music to our God on the harp.

He covers the sky with clouds;
    he supplies the earth with rain
    and makes grass grow on the hills. 

 He provides food for the cattle
    and for the young ravens when they call.

His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse,

    nor his delight in the legs of the warrior;

the Lord delights in those who fear him,    who put their hope in his unfailing love.                       Psalm 147:7-11

A Funny Story About Gratitude

It's been a long time since I posted and that time has been filled with lots and lots of preparations.  We have not sold our house yet, but we have had quite a journey in getting here.  Since we left Chris in Texas in July, we have repainted almost every room in the house, family has helped us redo the floors in the whole house, we have downsized immensely both furniture and just stuff, and we have completed all of the things it takes to get your house ready to sell.  It's a process, as anyone who has moved knows.

There have been a lot of unexpected things.  We did not expect to still be here this long.  We did not expect to be living apart as a family for this long.  Now, here's where the funny part starts.  We did not expect that once we got the house ready we would have fleas, the dishwasher break (TWICE), the oven catch fire (feel free to look up a broiler element melting in front of your eyes), the toilets (yes both) break and the car die.  Now truly, you can get bogged down in this, or you can just laugh.  Even better, you can praise God! 

Despite everything that has happened, I have been reminded over and over that nothing that has happened is a big deal.  It doesn't matter.  Oh, it takes up our time and money and convenience, but I am reminded that there are lots of people who's appliances work, but they are driving their children to hospital appointments.  There are plenty of people who have their house sell quickly, but they have loved ones who have passed away and that grief is overwhelming.  There are also plenty, PLENTY of people who do not have houses, appliances, cars, hospitals, family, food or any of the many huge blessings we have and they still trust God to provide and to have a plan for them.  More than likely, our future adopted children live in this way.  And what do I pray for them?  I pray for them to be safe, to know that they are loved and valued, and that they are able to hear about God and Jesus's love for them.  That's what's important, and we already have that, so everything else is just a funny story and a part of our testimony. 

Praise the Lord.

Praise God in his sanctuary;
    praise him in his mighty heavens. 

 Praise him for his acts of power;
    praise him for his surpassing greatness. 

 Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
    praise him with the harp and lyre, 

 praise him with timbrel and dancing,
    praise him with the strings and pipe,

praise him with the clash of cymbals,
    praise him with resounding cymbals.

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord.                                                     Psalm 150

God's Plan

I haven't blogged in quite a while, but there is a good reason for that.  We have been feeling for a few months that God was wanting to change our lives, but we weren't sure how.  Well, we know a large part of it now!  The big event that has occurred over the last month is that Chris got a new job which happens to be in Fort Worth, Texas.  He actually started last week and we are getting ready to move!

We always thought we would move here someday to be closer to cousins and more family, but we started feeling strongly that He was calling us to push our plans up and start looking for jobs now.  What we did not realize was that God was also asking us to relinquish control and let this happen in His time.  Chris applied for a job one week, was offered the job one week later and he started the job less than two weeks later.  Seriously.  

We are learning so much from this process, though.  Things that I know that we would not be learning if we were not going through this.  We are learning what we are capable of (like clearing out much of our house in under two weeks), we are learning how little our stuff matters and how many needy people are out there waiting for someone to post things on craigslist for a great price or for free, we are learning how capable our children are, we are learning that when God lays out his plan for you He will take care of the details, and we are learning to make decisions together.  However, I think one of the most meaningful things we are learning, other than the power of obeying God, is how it feels to leave everything you know and are comfortable with and to have to relearn how to get around, and how to find new places and become comfortable with a new setting...on a much smaller scale, we are learning how our future adopted children will feel.  

This experience will help us to understand why he is confused, sad, scared, and why those feelings come and go for no understandable reason.  I think it is giving us compassion and empathy in a way that we would not have had it before.  It also helps us to appreciate what we do have-we have the control to research new places, we have people we know here and we are moving with our little family who we are familiar with.  Our adopted children will be moving to an unknown country, state, city, with a new language, a new family, new things that they have never seen before, new food, a new bed, and an entire new way of life.  

I truly believe that God prepares us for things that we are going to face as well as preparing us to relate to and help people who we are going to meet.  

This does put our adoption on hold for a bit, but as soon as we get settled in Texas we can continue everything again.  It does not change our place in the wait list, but we will need to get a new home study with a Texas agency.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:10-13