Sometimes I can be a perfectionist, although you wouldn't know it by looking around my living room right now. I think that's why it's been difficult for me to start our blog. I didn't know how to start and I wanted to find the best way to start. Well, there is no best way and this whole experience is passing by and I'm ready to start blogging with God's help.
It's odd to realize that if we had gotten pregnant at the time that we applied to our adoption agency, we would have a 6 month old baby by now. Since we have been blessed enough to go through pregnancy twice, I can say that there is definitely comfort in the time frame. Although you always know that something could go wrong, there are regular doctor's visits, fun things to plan for and a definite time frame. Adoption is nothing like that. There are periods of excitement and anticipation and periods of waiting and periods of frustration and periods where life goes on and you almost forget you're adopting for a few days. It is a scary and wonderful test of patience and trusting in God's plan.
Adoption is also sad. When you get pregnant, you are just so happy and when you have the baby, you're even happier. With adoption, I feel like a transplant patient, waiting for something tragic to happen to someone else so that something great can happen for me. I want our child or children, but I don't want them to go through what they are going through or what they will be going through. I would never want that for the two children that I already have, but it will be happening for our future children. It's messy.
I just read a blog from Jen Hatmaker tonight about the ups and downs of their first year with their adopted children and I love her candor and honesty. Being a parent any way is hard, but doing it to children who have been broken is even harder. It's a different path, but God never promises us an easy path, especially if we choose to ask him to make the path for us. He promises us rewards we couldn't even imagine, but not without a cost.
So, I've made it through my first blog posting! Now they don't have to be perfect, just real. :) I'll finish with M's absolute favorite Bible verse: "For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life". John 3:16